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Smart Toys, Smart Kids: Baby Toys Buying Guide

by Dr. William Sears, M.D.

The Joy of Toys
One of the pleasures of being a parent is having new opportunities to play with toys. You get to revisit some of your old favorites and play with cool new stuff that wasn't around when you were a child. Children and their toys can remind us that life is at its best when we take time to relax, use our imaginations, and just have fun.

Whether you're learning from your child about the very latest in trendy fashion dolls or enjoying a building session with good old-fashioned wooden blocks, toys can help you share your child's world. Being able to understand what things look like from a child's point of view is the foundation of good parenting decisions. Careful observation of your child's play will help you discover how your child learns best, how he or she feels about friends and family, and even give you hints about what the future holds.

There will be times when you're just sitting there on the floor playing blocks with your child and you think, "I'm getting nothing done. I could be making money," etc. You are getting something done--raising a human being. You're making connections with your child and helping your child make the right connections in his brain. Each hand-eye interaction or choice a child makes stimulates connections in the developing brain. You're also simply learning how to be a parent. The memories of these playtimes are wonderful for your child to have. Children are likely to remember the time spent with the parent playing with the toy as much as the toy itself. This gives rise to the old saying, "A family that plays together stays together."

Toys are tools that teach children about life. They play house, store, and doctor. Toys are props for play. Toys are not meant to do the playing themselves, but rather to stimulate the child to play with them in a variety of ways. As parents of eight, we have always felt that one of our goals is to like living with our children. Toys make living with your children easier. A toy trick we have learned is to reserve special stories for special occasions (you'll get a lot of mileage with your children out of the word "special"). Reserve toys for traveling. Leave a few favorites in the car that you reserve just for shopping or special outings. Take along familiar toys when visiting a strange place, such as taking your child to a new daycare center or your workplace. Toys become attachment objects that are part of a child's world. Bring a bit of their world along.

Whether your toy budget is big or small, enjoying toys with your child will help you spend it wisely. More important than the cost of a toy is the time you take to create wonderful memories of time spent together. Toys are attachment tools that facilitate child-caregiver interaction. Use toys to help build connections with your children, rather than to get them out of your hair. It's people that make toys special.

How to Select the Right Toys for Your Child
Play is children's work, and toys are their tools. From a baby's first attempts to grab a rattle to a teen's mastery of the intricacies of a computer game, children learn reasoning, concentration, and motor, social, and language skills from toys. Toys can enhance curiosity and teach a child to make wise choices. Some may also pile up in the closet, ignored.

The best toys are the ones that stimulate the senses of sound, sight, and touch, and that give a child the opportunity to make things happen. Babies take a swipe at the ball placed on the floor in front of them and discover that not only does it roll away, it makes music! They're motivated to stretch and reach and make it happen again. Blocks piled one on top of each other make a tower toddlers can be proud of--and then knock to the floor when the spirit moves them. Since children quickly get bored, choose toys that have built-in novelty so the child can use the toy in a variety of ways, such as B toys: building blocks, balls, busy boxes, bells, and beads. Novelty wears off soon with children, so frequently rotate stock. Toys that offer many possibilities for play will be enjoyed for years.

When selecting toys for a child, you need to think carefully about the toy and the child. Choose toys that are developmentally appropriate, that build on skills the child already has and provide a few challenges. What does your child enjoy playing with right now? Give her the tools--the toys--that will help her do it better. Choose toys that can be shared with friends as well as enjoyed alone. Don't forget to give toys that you will enjoy playing with, and then take time to play with your child. Toys are props to foster relationships. When you get down on the floor with your child, you'll learn more about what your child thinks and feels, and the two of you will build memories that will last a lifetime.

Toy Choosing Tips
• In selecting the right toy for your child, ask yourselves:

• What will the toy teach my child?

• Will it hold my child's attention?

• Is it safe?

• Is it fun rather than annoying to see and hear?

• Does it promote creativity, social interaction?

• Is it noncombative, nonaggressive?

• Does it foster hand-eye coordination and problem-solving skills?

• Can it be enjoyed by both genders?

• How many senses does it stimulate, such as feeling, seeing, hearing, and doing?

• Will I enjoy playing with this toy with my child?

See our collection of developmental toys for ages birth-24 months

Matching Toys with Temperaments
It's obvious, but fascinating: children are different from one another, even children who have the same parents. Children's individual personalities are determined, at least in part, by their inborn temperaments, which begin to reveal themselves soon after birth. One 2-month-old baby may be described as "easygoing," while other parents recognize that their little one "needs lots of stimulation." You learn a lot about your child through play--your child's strengths and weaknesses, preferences and capabilities.

Your job as a parent is to help your child become the best he or she can be. This means nurturing your child in a way that shapes his or her nature to the child's advantage. The toys you select for your child can help you do this. A shy child might benefit from toys that require interaction with other people--such as board games that use the thinking skills she excels in but that are played with a partner. If your child is very expressive and gifted in magical or fantasy thinking, puppets are props that enable the child to act out her thoughts. A very active or aggressive child probably should not have an assortment of toy weapons at his disposal. Instead, think sports equipment or skates or balls--toys that channel energy away from violent play. If you feel that an aggressive child needs to learn more about caring for others, your first thought may be to give that child a baby doll or a teddy bear. But will he play with it? Instead, try toys that encourage caregiving activities on a heroic scale--equipment to play police officer (minus the gun) or firefighter.

If you have a wiggly, jiggly child who needs to build attention span, try puzzles, board games, and building blocks. Avoid the trap of selecting toys for the child you wish you had instead of the child you know so well. If you're using toys to stretch a child in a new direction, think small steps. Giving a doll-loving little girl a construction set probably won't turn her into an engineer, but finding a kit for a doll house that the two of you can build together might be the first step toward a career in architecture.

Great Gifts for Grandparents (and Other Relatives) to Give
The big, beautifully wrapped present arrives at the birthday party in Grandma's arms. Or perhaps it's delivered by truck, a gift from a special uncle hundreds of miles away. The child opens it, and it's perfect! Just what she's always wanted. The smile on her face and the hand-lettered thank you note say it all, "You're the best! I love you so much!"

How can a grandparent, a relative, or a special friend of a child make this fantasy come true? It takes more than a credit card. The first thing to consider is what your goal is. Do you want to dazzle the child and establish yourself as forever cool in this little one's heart and mind? Do you want to help out parents whose budget doesn't have much left over for toy purchases? Do you want to give the toy that tops this week's wish list or the one that will stand the test of time? These are all good goals--but one gift may not meet them all.

Next, go to the source: ask the child for several ideas for gifts. Then talk to the child's parents. Mom or Dad can tell you whether the extravagant toy that little Billy yearns for is likely to sit on the shelf once the birthday party is over. Parents often have wish lists of their own for their children, and if you're in a position to help out with some of the big-ticket toys, you'll earn their gratitude. They may also have some ideas for new playthings that the child himself may never have considered--but that are bound to be a big hit.

Some gifts call for parental consent before purchase: anything that's alive, anything that will take up lots of space, anything that makes a lot of noise. Respect parents' feelings about guns, video games, and fashion dolls. A well-chosen gift will make everyone happy--and not just for a few moments.

Children regard relatives as "special," so the toy you select should reflect this specialness. Attach a personal note to your gift, such as: "We know how much you love music so we got these music blocks just for you." Love messages tell children you care enough to know what they need.

Toy Tantrums
Mix lots of kids together with lots of toys in a small room, and you have a recipe for a clash. Why is it so difficult for children to share?

The ability to share is not a measure of a child's altruism. It's a developmental skill, part of mastering the social complexities of cooperative play. Two-year-olds, 3-year-olds, and even 4-year-olds prefer parallel play, when children play side by side, but each does his or her own thing. Two-year-olds who are just learning the meaning and power of the word "Mine!" can't be expected to understand the concept of sharing. Three-year-olds may not yet be able to understand that playing together requires give as well as take. While it's not wise to control your child's play, you can monitor the setting. The "mine" stage of toy possessiveness is a normal passing phase of toddler play, and here's how you can help lessen annoying play squabbles. Try the toy Ts:

Take turns: Sometimes you have to be a referee, handing each child a toy, setting a timer, and then announcing it's time for the other child to play with the toy.

Trade: Ask parents of other children to bring over a few of their own toys when they come to visit. Capitalize on the grass-is-always-greener attitude: children like to play with another child's toys. When the child arrives with his bag of toys, announce: "Now it's time to trade." Since possession means ownership, sharing does not come naturally to preschool children unless, of course, they see that giving up one toy gets them another.

Time-out: If toy tantrums persist, time-out the toy and/or the players. "I want both of you to sit on the bench until you can play nicely." Or, try: "I'm going to put the toy up on the shelf until you learn how to play nicely with it." If toy squabbles continue, besides separating the players, use humor--"If you kids want to fight like dogs, I'll build you a doghouse and you can play in it."

Providing some structure makes it easier for children to share. Before a friend comes over to play, talk to your child about which toys will be shared. Put away special toys that your child might not want to share. If certain toys inevitably cause arguments, put those away, too.

Toy tantrums also may occur with the child who is so engrossed in play that he refuses to give up the toys to click into your agenda. Here's a toy-tantrum-preventing trick we used with one of our children who became so hyperfocused in his toys that he would protest if we too quickly interrupted his play. Instead, we gave him advance notice and an opportunity to sign out: "Matthew, say bye-bye to the cars, bye-bye to the blocks, bye-bye to the balls."

Another way to handle toy squabbles is called the "law of the jungle"--throw your child into the pack and let him struggle for survival. The one who shoves the hardest and grabs the most keeps the toys. This scene is an aggressor's heaven. This approach has problems. The more passive child either withdraws from social play because he can't handle the aggression or rises to the occasion and fights back. In this case, the soft get hard and the hard get harder. The aggressive child learns that aggression pays, and the gentler child learns that gentleness doesn't. Parents, act as referees. Soften this scene.

Sharing doesn't mean your child has to be a doormat when others demand to use things that are hers. When it comes to play, be sure you understand the difference between aggression--meaning infringing on someone else's territory, and assertiveness--protecting your own turf. Teach your child to speak up for herself and to come to you for assistance when toy arrangements don't seem fair. If you respect your child's "toy rights," it will be easier for your child to learn to respect the property of others.

Toy Safety
Toy safety is a two-part issue. There's the question of whether the toy itself is safe--no sharp edges, no toxic paint, no little pieces that can fall off and become a choking hazard. There's also the issue of how a toy is played with and what actually happens to it in your household.

Information on toy packaging will tell you a lot about toy safety. When the label says that a toy is not recommended for children under 3, safety is the reason. The toy may have small parts or strings and cords that can cause choking or strangulation. Labels will also warn you if a toy marketed for older children may be hazardous to a younger child. When big brother's toy has lots of little parts, parents must pay special attention so that baby sister doesn't put those pieces in her mouth. Labels will also warn parents about appropriate age groups for toys that require electricity or for toys, such as chemistry sets, that have other dangers.

Parents should be aware of how their children play with their toys. Toys and mobiles suspended over a crib are fine for newborns, but when a baby starts to pull up onto hands and knees (around 5 months of age), these must be removed because baby could get dangerously tangled in the toy. To avoid injuries, children need parental guidance in playing with projectiles--toys that fling a missile, a dart, or an arrow into the air. New toys often require new rules and close supervision. Besides physical risk, avoid toys that have a high social and emotional risk, such as those that promote violence and stereotypes of race or gender.

Check your children's toys periodically. Parts can break off leaving sharp edges or points. Repair toys promptly or throw them away before someone gets hurt.

Ten Tips for Choosing Safe Toys:
• Inspect toys frequently for sharp edges, splinters, or removable and chokable parts. Safe toys may become unsafe through wear and tear.

• Avoid toys with dangling strings longer than 8 inches.

• Keep unsafe toys, such as balloons, beads, or chokable blocks out of reach of young children who tend to mouth toys.

• Do not allow other children to use loud toys, such as cap guns, around babies, since they may damage hearing.

• Match the toy with the temperament. If your child is a thrower, get soft cloth or foam toys.

• Remove dangling crib toys once baby is old enough to push up on his hands and knees.

• Before buying a toy, bend it a bit to see how breakable the plastic is. Be careful, plastic toys are thin, brittle, and likely to break easily, leaving sharp or jagged edges.

• Avoid letting babies and toddlers play with uninflated balloons, or those that have popped, which can cause choking. Always supervise play with an inflated balloon.

• Throw away suffocation-causing plastic wrapping as quickly as possible when unpacking toys.

• Store toys properly. Avoid toy chests with attached lids that can fall on a child and cause injury and strangulation. Toy shelves are much safer and teach the developing child a sense of order


 
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